Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija.
We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically
feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer
insightful advice as well.
***
Dear Aunty Bella,
Dear Aunty Bella,
I
am a regular reader of your blog and I have a problem that I will like
BellaNaijarians to advise me on. I will love my identity to be anonymous
to the public.
So I am in my late
twenties and just as expected, family and friends are on my neck to
bring home a man. I don’t even have a relationship but my mum is always
singing the marriage song into my ears and I decided to get a man just
to buy time. I met this nice guy whom I wasn’t really attracted to but
he asked me out and I decided to start something with him just to please
my mum.
Obviously I started the relationship for the wrong reason.
As
time went by, I started realizing we had a lot of differences; we
argued more than we conversed. I just couldn’t find the spark that will
make me love him. Each time I tried growing the love, he acts in ways
that just irritates and frustrates me.
While
I was still trying to grow my feelings for this guy, I spent time with
friends and friends of friends. I got closer to a male friend of mine
and even though we have known each other for a long time, I started
liking him. I got really attracted to him and before you know it, we
started having sex. I told him from the beginning that I didn’t love my
boyfriend and I am trying to grow my feeling for my boyfriend so we
agreed that what we were doing was just having fun. We didn’t want our
mutual friends to know what was happening and we soon decided to stop
having sex before getting caught.
That
period that I was with this other guy was one of the best moments of my
life. As I got to know him better, I fell in love with his personality.
He is a gentleman to the core. He treats women with respect, he cooks
for me, cleans the kitchen and dishes while I do the cooking sometimes.
He listens to me and always inspires me to be a better person, he is
driven and focused on his career and yes, he is cute! I mean who
wouldn’t fall in love with this man. So after we ended things, I
couldn’t let my boyfriend touch me because I was already having feelings
for another man and didn’t know how to pretend and let him touch me. I
eventually agreed and when I did, I was thinking about the other guy all
through. That was when I knew that I was in trouble; sleeping with one
man and thinking of another man.
I
decided to tell the guy about how I was feeling but he didn’t believe
me. He kept reminding me that I have a boyfriend. Another mutual friend
of ours who didn’t know what was happening told me she accidentally
walked into him sleeping with another girl. This girl he slept with has
slept with almost all our mutual friends and I felt hurt and
disappointed that he could even consider it. I confronted him and he
said he is just a single guy having fun and he is sorry if he
disappointed me. I am really pissed and don’t know what to do because I
am having feelings for him. How do I get him off my head? Should I keep
trying to grow feelings for my boyfriend?
Please, I need the best advice I can possibly get. Feel free to insult me if you feel I deserve it.
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